Someone told me that I give off a feeling of a lack of

confidence - can I do anything about this?

 

Changing your stance

 

We all transmit powerful signals about emotions, and thoughts to other people and pick up messages from them in return. Our body language, that which we communicate through posture, movement and facial expression, tells people a lot about us and our state of mind and emotions before we ever open our mouths.

 

Train yourself to become more aware of your body language. Do you rock back and forward as you’re speaking in a distracting way? Does your hand drift in front of your face sending unconscious negative signals? Practice some comfortable stances that look and feel natural to you and make these part of your repertoire, particularly in formal situations such as running a meeting or giving a presentation. If you can arrange a video of yourself in action this can be powerfully revealing but do allow yourself to get over the ‘don’t I look awful’ stage that many people experience when they see themselves on video, and move on quickly to the realisation that a few simple changes to posture and use of space can make a big difference to your effectiveness.

 

Here’s an example, do you  put your hand over your mouth when speaking?

This is a definite ‘no-no’ if you want to appear confident. The hand in front of the mouth suggests that you don’t want your words to reach others and sends a negative signal about you.

One way of dealing with this is to identify the hand that is most likely to do this and hold something in it, some notes, an illustrative object or a pencil for example. Or imagine that you are holding something. If this imaginary approach sounds bizarre, it works by helping your to be aware of the movement; as you lift your arm, you think ‘that’s my stick holding hand’ and this thought triggers you to stop the movement. Any activity that helps you to be aware of the ‘phantom blocking hand’ will help. If there’s a lectern, put the offending hand on it and this will ensure that you’re aware as it moves towards your mouth. Another tip is to ensure that you mostly keep your palms forward as you speak – it’s an open gesture that speaks of relaxed confidence and it prevents you from clenching your hands which sends a less positive message.